This book is concerned with achieving happiness, but most of its contents have shown how very difficult it is to attain this end. The things that seem to be the most desirable in one's life usually turn out to be illusions because they take over one's life and imprison one in a particular aspect of desire. How right the Buddha was when he saw that personal desire was the ultimate cause of suffering but, on the other hand, without desire nothing could ever be achieved. All depends on the nature of the desire and one's way of responding to it.

Happiness is essentially a state of mind where there is a steady contentment with one's lot, whether in good fortune or in bad. The foundation is always spiritual strength and it is achieved only after deep inner searching and experience. Speaking personally, I began to understand the real meaning of happiness only after the terrifying experience I had last year; as I have already explained, it was shown to me that all shall be well in the end, and that it had to be as it was. My part in my life's work has been, and is to be, living as faithfully to myself and the world as I can. I see myself as living on borrowed time and am forced to conclude that there is still work to be done. My holiday in Barbados was marvellous in removing me from my perpetual routine of working, eating and sleeping, with only occasional weekend breaks in the country. Only when this routine was completely broken, even for three weeks, did I consider other aspects of my life.

As I lay on the beach I saw people in bathing costumes, as I was myself, walking confidently into the sea and I was filled with envy; not only did I admire their strong, confident posture and the handsomeness of young people, but my gaze always fixed a little of the time on their feet: these were not flat but had wonderfully raised arches, as do those of my carer Cliff. Actually my deformity is quite painful if there is no carpet underfoot (as occurred in the hotel in Barbados), but a pair of efficient arch-supports (insoles) makes walking relatively comfortable. I would never before then have believed that I harboured one of the seven deadly sins, but now I have to acknowledge that more than one has afflicted me, though to my credit I believe it has not protruded too visibly externally!

More recently, when people who attended my church or the retreats that I conducted have visited me, they have let me know, quite incidentally, how very irritable I was when people interrupted my flow of inspirational speaking. This applied particularly to retreat conducting, because in church the address is relatively short and one is supported by a choir. It is amazing that until then I did not realize how irascible I could be; indeed, I harboured the illusion that I was rather gentle and mild. It would indeed be scarcely possible for someone speaking under inspiration not to become irritated when people behaved discourteously, but if I had had a finer character, I would have learnt to bear this much more graciously. I must say, however, in mitigation that this tendency to irritability is often a product of the ageing process; no doubt the great saints of religion have been able to curb it effectively but nearly all of them have been lovingly supported by communities of which they were members.

All this goes to show how essential an ingredient a sense of humour is in attaining a fairly constant happiness. As happens so often in the spiritual life, it is our foibles that are our way to perfection, whereas our strengths become weaknesses until they are completely demolished. There is indeed hope for even the least of us, while trying too hard is a certain way to disillusionment.

Happiness does not depend on having anything at all, but on being what one is meant to be. It results when the personality is at peace with itself and in harmony with its surroundings. Wealth, power, friendship, intimate love and especially health are all vital ingredients, but few can be relied on for permanency. This is certainly true of health; the ageing process inevitably brings with it disorders of one system or another. In my case it is the central nervous system that has borne the brunt of my later years with epilepsy and Parkinson's disease, but I might quite as easily have had coronary arterial occlusion, chronic bronchitis and emphysema or diseases of the stomach, bowels, liver or kidneys, to say nothing of peripheral vascular disease, a stroke or cancer. I have had enough hospitalization recently to flinch from any more, but what will be, will be, whether I like it or not, for I have no death wish.

From all this rather autobiographical reflection one can see that the quest for happiness is usually not fulfilled because the person strains for the monumental while ignoring the blessings that surround them day by day. Of course it could be argued that many people in the world live below subsistence level and are doomed to disease and death from the very time of their birth. This is a fact of life that has to be confronted directly, and happiness cannot be attained in a real way until there is political justice in all the countries of the world. Why some people seem to be so highly privileged materially, whereas others slowly starve to death is at least partly a mystery. It depends on the location of the person's birth as well as their parents' disposition. What I would be like now had my mother been less neurotic and quarrelsome and had I not been severely ill-treated by a nurse when I was scarcely out of babyhood, God alone knows. But what matters ultimately is the way in which I have used these particular adversities, which are pretty mild to say the least in a world of indescribably terrible suffering. On the other hand, before I become too self-deprecatory, I have to remember my extreme psychic sensitivity; I can "pick up" other people's emotions as easily as a magnet attracts iron filings. This is indeed the basis of my deliverance work, and, believe me, this is not the privilege that many people suppose it to be. Had I been more "normal" I would not have been burdened with this ability. But look at the amount of good that has come out of it for other people, even if I have not particularly benefited from it myself! I believe in fact that the remarkable episode of unconsciousness that I had last year could have been at least partly attributable to psychic attack. Most professional workers would deride this and even regard me as slightly off-centre, while a few ultra-rationalists would say quite frankly that I was mad.

In these pages I have said some rather harsh things about conventional religion, but even more noxious is a dominant type of rationalism that is so extreme as to find no place for anything that cannot be proven directly by the means of science. It is here that great art finds its use in leading us to the right mindfulness of which the Buddha speaks. I have no doubt that there is more to life and death than that which is accepted by pure reason. A deeper power of the soul is necessary before we can know even the reality of the self. From this knowledge we are able to effect a deeper understanding of other mortals and indeed of life in general. Now at last we are in contact with the source of ultimate reality which is one of the many ways in which God, the indescribable, may be approached. The light that surrounded the Buddha and blinded the physical and intellectual faculties of St Paul, albeit temporarily, is the classical manifestation of God. God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all (1 John 1:5). This light cleanses the personality of all its defects, and makes it one with God whose nature embraces all gender as well as race and religion.

When this ultimate truth not only becomes part of our understanding but eventually transforms our character we shall know happiness of a very exalted order. In this state joy may be subsumed. Joy is by no means alien to ordinary people like you and me: there is a sudden rise of consciousness to a peak of realization of the splendour that embraces all creation. We know joy that lasts when we have transcended self-interest completely in service to an activity devoted to the common good. We have in fact to lose our life in the manner of Matthew 10:39 which we considered in Chapter 6, to know an authentic existence whose centre is God. In the Divine light there is perpetual joy.

Now we have ceased to be isolated individuals but are part of a vast concourse of life. Joy is innocent of all illusions nor does it expect anything, inasmuch as it contains everything. This is the sort of heaven I would expect when every living creature, past, present and future, will have attained joy of this immensity. "Perfectly to will what God wills, to want what he wants, is to have joy; but if one's will is not quite in unison with God's, there is no joy" (Meister Eckhart, Talks of Instruction No 23).

A final qualification. How does all this fit in with the undeniable fact of evil both in ourselves and in the greater world? I am reminded of an observation by Friedrich von Logau (Sinngedichte 3,2,24, translated by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow).

Through the mills of God grind slowly,
Yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience he stands waiting,
With exactness grinds he all.

I feel the last word is that which was revealed to Julian of Norwich in the 27th chapter of Revelation of Divine Love.

After this the Lord brought to my mind the longing that I had to Him afore. And I saw that nothing letted me but sin. And so I looked, generally, upon us all, and methought: if sin had not been, we should all have been clean and like to our Lord, as he made us.

But Jesus, who in this Vision informed me of all that is needful to me, answered by this word and said: It behoved that there should be sin; but all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

She saw that the pain that follows committing a sin purges us; it makes us know ourselves and ask for mercy. For the Passion of our Lord is a comfort to us against all this, and so is his blessed will. She saw in these words a marvellous high mystery hid in God which he will open to us in heaven. In other words, sin does help us, or at least the great majority of us, to attain a fully adult stature in our life. Until we have erred we cannot know forgiveness, (as is memorably illustrated in Luke 7:36-50 where Jesus chides a judgemental Pharisee) and then we can understand and forgive those who have injured us. Now we can grasp that part of the Lord's Prayer which asks that we may be forgiven for our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. It is for this reason that life is essential for the full growth of the person, and why I personally could not imagine for one moment that the process of life is terminated when the body dies. As I have said before, nobody knows the sequel though there are many speculations about this topic. As I was told during my period of semi-consciousness last year, our great work is to live perfectly in the present and let the future take care of itself. Indeed, the future is largely determined by our present attitudes and actions.

Some of my friends object vehemently to the thought of a person like Hitler being able to attain a knowledge of heaven, and I sympathize greatly with them. But I also know that this is an inadequate response to the love of God who, as St Peter was shown, has no favourites (Acts 10:34). This realization came after the well-disposed centurion Cornelius was directed by a holy angel to send some servants to Peter's home in Joppa, and hear what he had to say. So Peter asked them in and gave them a night's lodging. Next day he set out with them, accompanied by some members of the congregation at Joppa, and on the following day arrived at Caesarea. Cornelius was expecting them and he called together his relatives and close friends. When Peter arrived, Cornelius came to meet him, and bowed to the ground in deep reverence. But Peter raised him to his feet and said "Stand up; I am only a man like you". Still talking with him he went in and found a large gathering. He said to them "I need not tell you that a Jew is forbidden by his religion to visit or associate with anyone of another race. Yet God has shown me clearly that I must not call anyone profane or unclean; that is why I came here without demur when you sent for me. May I ask you what was your reason for doing so?" Cornelius recounted the appearance of the angel and then Peter began: "I now understand how true it is that God has no favourites, but that in every nation those who are god-fearing and do what is right are acceptable to him". Shortly before their arrival Peter had had a vision of something that looked like a great sheet full of "unclean beasts" being lowered to him and him being commanded to take and eat them. This was against strict Jewish law, needless to say. At last the interpretation of the dream became obvious to him; it was a preparation for the reception of the first Gentiles into the Christian fold (Acts 10).

Coming back to the question of Hitler entering the heavenly state, it is matter primarily of Divine grace and also a thoroughly repentant Adolf Hitler. This second proviso must be emphasized, otherwise any concept of morality would fly out of the window. Love flourishes only in an atmosphere of truth, otherwise gross hypocrisy prevails. This is the reason why I distrust "good" people so much, for they do tend to look down on those whom they regard as inferior. Indeed, until we can separate our illusions from the truth about ourselves, we will be living in a state of false security that has nothing to do with happiness. We ought not to have happiness as a right as some protagonists currently insist. It is earned by the way we give of ourselves to life, especially our fellow humans. In the giving lies the happiness.

The proof of any happiness that I may have, even at this moment, is evidenced by the happiness that others acquire through my presence, whether in person or by my writings. It is on this level that this very book has to be judged. If all books could be considered in terms of the harvest of the Spirit that St Paul writes about in Galatians 5: 22-23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, fidelity, gentleness and self-control), the human race would be accorded an immeasurable service.

If there be righteousness in the heart,
there will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in the character
there will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in the home,
there will be order in the nation.
When there is order in each nation
there will be peace in the world.
(Very old Chinese proverb)

What a strange person I appear to be; an ethnic Jew, a Christian priest, and a spiritual universalist. I am indeed catholic in the true sense of the word, which means universal. Though a Jew, and having had all my relatives in Lithuania exterminated by the Germans, I still find it repugnant that Jews, now having acquired an independent state of their own, should be the agents of dispossession of their Palestinian neighbours. With the amazing sequence of events in South Africa and the growing friendship between various racial groups I look with equal hope towards an Israeli-Arab reconciliation.

This is what God was reported to have said to Moses,

You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt and how I have carried you on eagles' wings and brought you here to me. If only you will now listen to me and keep my covenant, then out of all peoples you will become my special possession; for the whole earth is mine. You will be to me a kingdom of priests, my holy nation.
                   (Exodus 19: 4-6

Though no fundamentalist myself, I accept these words literally. The contribution of the Jews to world civilization has been of incredible magnitude (not least of all two other major religions, Christianity and Islam), so incredible that it has been an important factor in their perpetual persecution.

If one is chosen by God it means, as my whole life has taught me so eloquently, service, suffering and sacrifice. There is no personal glory at all in it, but the reward is bringing all people to human actualization, the end of which is happiness. I believe I must be one of the few humans who has seen the other side of death and I know what a great work it is to bring those in darkness into the light. It is interesting that this idea is found in Mahayana Buddhism in the form of the Bodhisattva ideal. The Bodhisattva is one who has become completely enlightened, and having attained Nirvana, and so freed at last from the melancholy wheel of birth and death, renounces his blessedness in order that he may remain to help suffering humanity. In his divine compassion he says, "for others sake this reward I yield". He accomplishes the Great Renunciation and becomes a Saviour of the World. I certainly could not claim this for myself, but the way forward has been obviously indicated in the life I have been destined to experience. It is only when concepts of this magnitude inform humanity that there will be peace on earth and goodwill amongst all that lives.

In my opinion, the Buddha is the great World Teacher, whereas the Christ is the great World Exemplar. What I like particularly about Hinduism and Buddhism is their indifference to proselytism; what I dislike about Christianity and Islam is their ardent desire to make converts. I see this not as a way of enlightening the world so much as one of religious self-aggrandizement. The Jews have erred on the other extreme, at least in the Orthodox tradition, towards rigid exclusiveness - as we remember Peter telling Cornelius. As far as I am concerned the hope of world religion lies in mystical liberalism, a state in which the enlightened mind is illuminated by suprarational mystical love, which is the very essence of God himself. My own endeavours have always been directed by and towards this ideal. Without it I see only destruction ahead, but with it we may begin to see heaven on earth.